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Player Name: Chase
Character Name: Roman Roy
Path to Graduation:
After a year on the barge, he has crossed hurdles that needed to be crossed and then some: he has far more humanity and empathy than he originally started with, and has been able to unlearn the many detrimental things that he's been raised with--and the ones that he hasn't quite unlearned are things he knows to apologize for. Roman has not only become far more self aware than he has been before but has learned that in order to grow and in order to continue to be a 'good person,' as it were, that it's alright to rely on--and even trust--other people.
Roman's always had a proclivity for empathy and love but had long since buried it deep given his canon experiences. This has changed significantly. Roman Roy also has friends. This may seem like something small but in between neurosis, paranoia, trust issues, blatant and flagrant bullying and mocking to the point of hate speech, this is big. Roman no longer feels like he needs to lash out or act like a big man in order to assert dominance--he realizes now that he doesn't have to 'win.' The vast majority of Romans learned behaviour comes from either emulating his dad or wanting his dad's approval. With his father gone, there's no one to impress, but with friends, he finds he doesn't want to impress them the same way he did Logan. As stated a few times, getting out from under Logan's thumb and finding his own sense of individuality has been completely paramount to his growth: but with friends like Eiffel and Norton, both from extremely different socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds urging him on, and people who aren't friends but he respects for some reason or other like Fitz, Jedao and Sweeney, he's learned that he's far more than just someone under the shadow of his father. He's not only his own person, but if he opens up and trusts people, he gains confidence in himself and who he is. Eiffel's disapproval over the Izzy incident and patient explaining on why he was upset did wonders to help him understand why it was actually wrong. Roman's fuck ups had previously been met with nothing but verbal or physical abuse with little to no explanation before this, and to have someone who actually takes time to explain without resorting to much of anything other than 'I'm disappointed' made Roman actually listen.
While Roman had a few tricky hurdles, none are as big as his intimacy issues. Said issues have bled into almost every aspect of his psyche--his aforementioned paranoia, trust issues, and general self loathing and lack of love for himself or others have led him to an extreme, intense fear of intimacy. Due to a myriad of scenarios and AU events he's been able to slowly shed the barrier that he puts up between love and sex, both things he can't separate between and still has a difficult time telling apart. Previously, the very thought of being vulnerable and trusting of someone for even a moment filled him with an insurmountable dread. Now that he understands what and why that is now thanks to a conversation with Dorian and has actually been intimate with a few people, he's able to understand himself more. Norton's extreme patience and understanding of Roman's inability to get physically sexual too often if at all despite being genuinely attracted to him was an immense help, alleviating the pressure not only to preform but to be someone he isn't.
The most prominent example other than Norton in terms of furthering his self in that way is John Seed. Starting off as complete enemies Roman wound up stripping himself of any initial judgements or knee jerk reactions due to floods. Far from a typical couple but connected via a surprising amount of shared experiences, Roman has actually found himself in love. While John has long since graduated, Roman cared about John enough--and still does--to promise him that he'd graduate and actually meant it. Roman displayed enough trust, vulnerability, caring, compassion, and enough self-actualization enough to actually follow through. His plans after being a warden for a while is to join John Seed at his law firm, not to be employed but to get back into the corporate world without any ties with his father whatsoever and to stay with a man he finds he really, truly loves.
None of this would be possible without Raylan: his warden and him had been permapaired early on, and their relationship dynamic was exactly what Roman needed to graduate. Raylan's steadfast and kind approach throughout events and floods and his method of encouraging Roman's positive reactions and thoughts instead of focusing only on what he's done wrong really shaped him into a better person, and Roman tries to emulate Raylan's patience when he can. Roman now knows how to hold space for other people--although this is still very limited to people he actually likes--and understands the power of it fully and completely.
He's more confident in himself, and knows he has the ability to even surpass his father if he tries, and loves himself enough to recognize that he loves other people, too. He'll even apologize to someone other than family. Roman is still very much a troll who likes to get a rise out of people. He just understands both his own and others' limits more and the appropriate time to do said trolling is. Roman will treating his new opportunity as a warden less like a curse like being an inmate would be: he's always been a business and opportunity guy, and wardening will absolutely tap into that. If he can use his people reading skills and negotiating acumen to help another poor bastard out while keeping an eye on his brother in the barge, why not? It's a no brainer to him. Plus, as strange as it is to him, he's found he really enjoys the fact that not only does he have friends, but they don't give a single shit about his money, power or status and he'd like to stay in that for just a little longer.
Character Name: Roman Roy
Path to Graduation:
After a year on the barge, he has crossed hurdles that needed to be crossed and then some: he has far more humanity and empathy than he originally started with, and has been able to unlearn the many detrimental things that he's been raised with--and the ones that he hasn't quite unlearned are things he knows to apologize for. Roman has not only become far more self aware than he has been before but has learned that in order to grow and in order to continue to be a 'good person,' as it were, that it's alright to rely on--and even trust--other people.
Roman's always had a proclivity for empathy and love but had long since buried it deep given his canon experiences. This has changed significantly. Roman Roy also has friends. This may seem like something small but in between neurosis, paranoia, trust issues, blatant and flagrant bullying and mocking to the point of hate speech, this is big. Roman no longer feels like he needs to lash out or act like a big man in order to assert dominance--he realizes now that he doesn't have to 'win.' The vast majority of Romans learned behaviour comes from either emulating his dad or wanting his dad's approval. With his father gone, there's no one to impress, but with friends, he finds he doesn't want to impress them the same way he did Logan. As stated a few times, getting out from under Logan's thumb and finding his own sense of individuality has been completely paramount to his growth: but with friends like Eiffel and Norton, both from extremely different socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds urging him on, and people who aren't friends but he respects for some reason or other like Fitz, Jedao and Sweeney, he's learned that he's far more than just someone under the shadow of his father. He's not only his own person, but if he opens up and trusts people, he gains confidence in himself and who he is. Eiffel's disapproval over the Izzy incident and patient explaining on why he was upset did wonders to help him understand why it was actually wrong. Roman's fuck ups had previously been met with nothing but verbal or physical abuse with little to no explanation before this, and to have someone who actually takes time to explain without resorting to much of anything other than 'I'm disappointed' made Roman actually listen.
While Roman had a few tricky hurdles, none are as big as his intimacy issues. Said issues have bled into almost every aspect of his psyche--his aforementioned paranoia, trust issues, and general self loathing and lack of love for himself or others have led him to an extreme, intense fear of intimacy. Due to a myriad of scenarios and AU events he's been able to slowly shed the barrier that he puts up between love and sex, both things he can't separate between and still has a difficult time telling apart. Previously, the very thought of being vulnerable and trusting of someone for even a moment filled him with an insurmountable dread. Now that he understands what and why that is now thanks to a conversation with Dorian and has actually been intimate with a few people, he's able to understand himself more. Norton's extreme patience and understanding of Roman's inability to get physically sexual too often if at all despite being genuinely attracted to him was an immense help, alleviating the pressure not only to preform but to be someone he isn't.
The most prominent example other than Norton in terms of furthering his self in that way is John Seed. Starting off as complete enemies Roman wound up stripping himself of any initial judgements or knee jerk reactions due to floods. Far from a typical couple but connected via a surprising amount of shared experiences, Roman has actually found himself in love. While John has long since graduated, Roman cared about John enough--and still does--to promise him that he'd graduate and actually meant it. Roman displayed enough trust, vulnerability, caring, compassion, and enough self-actualization enough to actually follow through. His plans after being a warden for a while is to join John Seed at his law firm, not to be employed but to get back into the corporate world without any ties with his father whatsoever and to stay with a man he finds he really, truly loves.
None of this would be possible without Raylan: his warden and him had been permapaired early on, and their relationship dynamic was exactly what Roman needed to graduate. Raylan's steadfast and kind approach throughout events and floods and his method of encouraging Roman's positive reactions and thoughts instead of focusing only on what he's done wrong really shaped him into a better person, and Roman tries to emulate Raylan's patience when he can. Roman now knows how to hold space for other people--although this is still very limited to people he actually likes--and understands the power of it fully and completely.
He's more confident in himself, and knows he has the ability to even surpass his father if he tries, and loves himself enough to recognize that he loves other people, too. He'll even apologize to someone other than family. Roman is still very much a troll who likes to get a rise out of people. He just understands both his own and others' limits more and the appropriate time to do said trolling is. Roman will treating his new opportunity as a warden less like a curse like being an inmate would be: he's always been a business and opportunity guy, and wardening will absolutely tap into that. If he can use his people reading skills and negotiating acumen to help another poor bastard out while keeping an eye on his brother in the barge, why not? It's a no brainer to him. Plus, as strange as it is to him, he's found he really enjoys the fact that not only does he have friends, but they don't give a single shit about his money, power or status and he'd like to stay in that for just a little longer.